I spent most of my life trying to lose weight. I knew all the research and tried all the diets, but after a few weeks or months I would always fall off track. Why couldn’t I stick with it when I was SO motivated at the beginning?
When I finally cracked the code for myself (and it stuck for years!), I wanted to help other women so they didn’t have to have as much pain as I did. In my work coaching women, I have discovered that not all of us are the same. What works for me may not work for you, but through exploration we uncover the habits, childhood experiences, and beliefs/fears underneath.
Similarly, we are also not all motivated the same way!
I recently attended a leadership training focused on motivation styles based on the work of the psychologist Dr. David McClelland. He discovered that people are driven by three core motivational styles: achievement, affiliation, and power. And while we all have elements of each, one tends to dominate.
Think about how you show up in the word and see which one of these is your biggest driver:
- Achievement is the motivation to do better than a particular standard. This could come from other people (i.e. win a competition) or yourself (i.e. improve on your own personal performance)
- Affiliation is the motivation to improve personal relationships. This could be helping people feel better and more connected around you, or community in general.
- Power is the motivation to make an impact. This could be a desire to be influential within your own sphere (like big picture problem-solving) or within a greater community or organization.
I have been ruminating on this quite a bit. My personal motivator is power. And while it sounds like I’m an evil villain, in actuality my dream (and motivation) is to change the way we view ourselves and food. It’s a big dream! And this dream of helping women find their power over food is what keeps me going through the setbacks.
When I discovered this, it was like a light-bulb went off in my head. Power is my motivator! And it’s what I assume everyone else wants too. But we have different motivators. So once again, what works for me, may not work for everyone!
This is why discovering your motivational style may be just what you need to keep going.
What’s Your Motivational Style?
First, let’s discover your motivational style by asking you some questions:
The Achiever
Do you love checking things off your to-do list? Do you get satisfaction from hitting personal bests and reaching milestones? When you think about weight loss, do you immediately want to set specific goals and track your progress?
Achievers are motivated by:
- Accomplishing challenging goals
- Measuring progress with tangible metrics
- Mastering new skills
- Personal excellence and improvement
- Overcoming obstacles through persistence
If this sounds like you, you probably get excited about fitness challenges, weekly weigh-ins, and seeing those numbers change. You might have a spreadsheet or app tracking everything. All the small wins along the journey is what energizes you and keep you inspired.
The Connector (Affiliation)
Do you find yourself motivated when you’re doing something with others? Do you love the social aspects of exercise classes or cooking healthy meals for people you care about? When you think about getting healthier, do you imagine sharing the journey with friends or family?
Connectors are motivated by:
- Building and maintaining relationships
- Being part of a community
- Helping and supporting others
- Sharing experiences with people they care about
- Creating harmony and connection
If this resonates, you probably thrive in group fitness classes, walking with friends, or joining online communities. You might find yourself cooking healthy meals because you want to nourish your loved ones. The relationships and connections fuel your commitment.
The Leader (Power)
Do you feel frustrated when you’re NOT in control? Is the idea of taking back your power from food exactly what you are looking for? Are you excited about using your new energy and bandwidth for better things?
Leaders are motivated by:
- Having influence and impact
- Being in control of their choices and outcomes
- Teaching or mentoring others
- Being recognized as competent or authoritative
- Making decisions and taking charge
If this speaks to you, you’re tired of food controlling you. You want to take back all that energy you’ve been wasting on food obsession, cravings, and the mental chatter about what you should or shouldn’t eat. You’re excited about finally having the bandwidth to pursue projects, dreams, and goals that have been on hold while you’ve been trapped in the food struggle.
How to Use Your Motivational Style to Your Advantage
Now here’s how each motivational style can help you on your release weight journey:
Achievers: Your superpower is setting goals and persistently working toward them.
This means your best approach to release weight should include measurable outcomes. Optimize your success by:
- Breaking your big goal into smaller milestones you can celebrate along the way
- Tracking metrics that matter to you (weight, measurements, how clothes fit, energy levels, workout performance)
- Setting specific, measurable challenges each week or month (eat 120 grams of protein daily, walk 10,000 steps daily, try 5 new healthy recipes this month)
- Using apps or journals to visualize your progress
- Recognizing and celebrating each milestone of success
I remember when I first started running. I couldn’t make it around my neighborhood block without walking breaks. But I loved watching my progress. Each week, I could run a little longer before needing to walk. Seeing my progress improve kept me lacing up my sneakers even on days when I didn’t feel like it.
The pitfall: Achievers start strong with detailed plans and strict rules, but one “failure” feels devastating. This all-or-nothing thinking becomes a unforgiving trap. “Well, I’ve already ruined it. Might as well eat the whole pint of ice cream.” And instead of living life and finding joy along the way, it’s all about the end goal.
Instead, embrace “Good Enough”: When you notice yourself falling into all-or-nothing thinking, pause. Take a breath. Remind yourself that persistence matters more than perfection.
Your comeback strategy:
- Reframe setbacks as data points and learning, not failures
- Create a “minimum viable day” plan: what’s the smallest action that counts as a win?
- Focus on process goals (did I cook at home 5 times this week?) rather than only outcome goals (did I lose 2 pounds?)
- Celebrate effort and consistency, not just results
- Remember that building a sustainable life is the ultimate achievement
Research shows that grit (the combination of passion and perseverance) predicts success better than talent. The people who succeed aren’t those who never fall down. They’re the ones who get back up.
When I mess up (and I do!), I acknowledge it without a feeling of total failure and get back on track. “What will I do differently next time?” Then I immediately take one small positive action. Maybe it’s drinking a glass of water, or going for a short walk, or just planning tomorrow’s breakfast. That’s enough to get my momentum back.
Connectors: Your superpower is creating meaningful relationships.
This means your best approach to release weight should include building a support system. Optimize your success by:
Create your support system:
- Find a workout buddy for accountability and join group fitness classes rather than solo efforts
- Share healthy recipes with friends or start a healthy cooking club
- Involve your family in meal planning/preparation and focus on cooking nourishing meals for people you love
- Plan active social activities (hiking with friends, dance classes, walking meetings)
- Share your journey on social media or in online communities
Social connection is one of our biggest motivators. A 2021 poll found that 36% of respondents described themselves as feeling seriously lonely. When we share our health journey with others, we create the connections our souls crave.social connection is one of our biggest motivators. Remember, you’re not just doing this for yourself, but to be more present and vibrant with the people you love.
It was the pandemic shut-down that got me started on my neighborhood run, that has now become one of my favorite things. I hated running but I was so desperate for social connection that I went anyway! These jogs kept me sane, and getting out the door every day until it finally became a habit.
The pitfall: You lose motivation when your support system isn’t available or when the people around you aren’t on the same journey. You might prioritize others’ needs over your own health, or you sabotage your progress to avoid seeming “different” from your social group.
I have seen this with myself. I have fallen off track on exercise when no one was available to go with me, and I have let others talk me into eating foods that I know aren’t good for my body. I have come to realize that this is often their own guilt for their choices, so keep being your inspiration self! And people like to show their love with food, so tell them you appreciate the love but you can’t eat the food.
Instead, create connection WITH yourself: When you feel isolated or unsupported, recognize that it is a chance to nurture your relationship with yourself.
Your comeback strategy:
- Remember that showing yourself love IS building connection
- Explore feelings and fears underneath being alone with journaling
- Create a morning or self-care routine to build strengthen the relationship with yourself
- Go for a walk or workout by yourself and listen to great music or a new podcast
- Find new communities that are also on a health journey to build even more support
You can give yourself the same nurturing energy you give to everyone else. In fact, you need to be doing this! When I first found myself alone after divorce, I obsessively filled my time with activities. Then the pandemic shut this down, and I was forced to sit with my feelings. It turns out, I was staying busy to avoid them. Through journaling, I began a relationship with myself exploring my feelings. This eventually brought me a new level of peace I didn’t even know I could have.
Journaling helps us process emotions and connect with our inner wisdom. Studies show that writing about your thoughts and feelings for just 15 minutes a day, three times a week, can decrease depression and anxiety while improving your ability to bounce back from mental distress. I invite you to explore your feelings or fears about being alone. Open a notebook and write “I am feeling…” or “I don’t like being alone because… ” and see what comes next. Keep writing!
Leaders: Your superpower is taking charge and refusing to be controlled.
This means your best approach to release weight should be about reclaiming your power and bandwidth. Optimize your success by:
- Focus on your vision for what you’ll DO with all that freed-up energy and bandwidth (that’s your real motivation!)
- Get rid of foods designed to hijack your power
- Explore the WHY underneath your behaviors to take back your power
- Track successes / setbacks to use feedback for future experimenting
- Customize programs, meal plans and movement routines based on your body’s feedback
I spent decades diving deep into the research, exploring brain chemistry and learning about the inflammatory responses in our bodies. This knowledge gave me power, but not enough. Step-by-step I experimented. Gluten made me irritable and inflamed, and I could decide if that was worth it. It was learning how to allow feelings and give myself comfort without food that finally put me in control. I could use all that time and energy I’d been pouring into the food struggle for other things!
The pitfall: You become so focused on the knowledge and rules to try to gain control, you close yourself off from listening to your body’s wisdom and taking action. Your need for control has become being controlled.
Instead, Let Go: When you notice yourself burning out, stuck in analysis paralysis, or STILL obsessing about food despite all your plans, it’s time to shift your focus.
Your comeback strategy:
- Focus on the real prize: all the bandwidth you’ll reclaim when food stops running your life
- Take imperfect action rather than waiting for the perfect plan
- Trust your body’s wisdom, it often knows things your mind hasn’t figured out yet
- Recognize that being in control of your RESPONSE is different from controlling outcomes
- Give yourself permission to experiment: you’re the scientist and your body is the lab
I now think of myself as a scientist running experiments on myself. I try something, collect data (how do I feel?), and adjust. This approach keeps the leader in me engaged while honoring my body’s authority.
Your body is always communicating with you. That exhaustion after eating certain foods? Your body knows. Those cravings that won’t quit? Your body is asking for something (though often not what you think).
And remember what your true vision is. That’s your real motivation. You aren’t just trying to “lose weight” or “eat better”, you are reclaiming your life. Imagine redirecting all that energy, creativity, focus, and passion towards your actual dreams. That’s true power.
So, Now that You Now Your Motivational Style…
I spent years trying to force myself into other people’s weight loss systems. I thought something was wrong with me when they didn’t work. Now I know better. There’s nothing wrong with me, or you. You just need to find the approach that honors YOUR unique motivational wiring.
Working with your motivational style allows you to capitalize on your natural strengths to find the best path and preferences for you. Are you an Achiever who needs milestones to celebrate, a Connector who thrives with community support, or a Leader who needs autonomy and expertise? And what’s one small action you can take today that aligns with it?
P.S. If you’re ready to dive deeper into healing the WHY under your over-eating, I’d love to support you. Check out my Craving Alchemy Heroine’s Journey program or schedule a Craving Alchemy Healing Session to start your transformation today.
References
- McClelland DC. (1961). The Achieving Society. Princeton, NJ: D. Van Nostrand Company.
- Teixeira PJ, Silva MN, Mata J, et al. (2012). Motivation, self-determination, and long-term weight control. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity, 9, 22. https://doi.org/10.1186/1479-5868-9-22
- Williams GC, Grow VM, Freedman ZR, et al. (1996). Motivational predictors of weight loss and weight-loss maintenance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 70(1), 115-126.
- Mata J, Silva MN, Vieira PN, et al. (2009). Motivational “spill-over” during weight control: Increased self-determination and exercise intrinsic motivation predict eating self-regulation. Health Psychology, 28(6), 709-716.
- Kitsantas A. (2000). The role of self-regulation strategies and self-efficacy perceptions in successful weight loss maintenance. Psychology & Health, 15(6), 811-820. https://doi.org/10.1080/08870440008405583
- Elfhag K, & Rössner S. (2005). Who succeeds in maintaining weight loss? A conceptual review of factors associated with weight loss maintenance and weight regain. Obesity Reviews, 6(1), 67-85.
- Wing RR, Jeffery RW. (1999). Benefits of recruiting participants with friends and increasing social support for weight loss and maintenance. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67(1), 132-138.
- Byrne S, Cooper Z, Fairburn C. (2003). Weight maintenance and relapse in obesity: A qualitative study. International Journal of Obesity, 27(8), 955-962.
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