Loving yourself is not just about sweetness and indulgences. Think of a loving parent: they don’t only hand out treats or say “yes” to every whim. They encourage their child to dream big and to keep going when they stumble. Loving yourself should be no different.
But let’s be honest—many of us don’t even know what our dreams are. How can you pursue something you don’t know?
Dare to Dream Big
One of the best ways to find your dreams is to get curious and start exploring what’s around you. What do you admire about what other people have? Don’t stop at the familiar faces of friends or neighbors – look further! Is there someone, perhaps even a public figure, who has something you wish was yours? Do they look happier, healthier, or more successful? Why, specifically?
This is about aspiration, not envy. Forget material things like the latest gadget—what do you deeply, genuinely desire? Let yourself feel the longing for more. Don’t worry about how to get there just yet. The first step is letting yourself dream without limits.
You might have heard that comparison is the thief of joy, or that social media shows only highlight reels. Set that aside, because that is just a way to discourage you from going for your dreams. We are talking about YOUR life and what you WANT.
Remember those pesky feelings we have been attempting to numb with food our whole lives? Instead of hiding from your feelings, allow yourself to feel the thrill of possibilities in moving out of the status quo that is your old life.
Fear is a sign of growth
Now that you have a big dream in mind, maybe you are feeling some fear and already trying to talk yourself out of it? Big dreams can trigger big fears. That’s natural. For most of history, worry and fear has kept us safe. Our ancestral bloodline survived by maintaining a high vigilance to danger. Fear tells you there is a potential threat. Fear also signals growth—it’s your mind’s way of telling you that you’re stepping out of your comfort zone. But that familiar place kept you soothing yourself with cookies and snacks. Your new life holds your dreams.
Ask yourself this: Are you more afraid of failing or of staying exactly where you are years from now? Fear can motivate you to move forward, to make a plan, and to take action. Let it energize you, not paralyze you.
What are you afraid of actually – Failure? If you never go after your dreams, you fail by default. Letting fear control you is choosing to stay in the status quo.
Focus on what you can do today
Often big dreams can feel overwhelming. We get stuck thinking about everything that needs to happen. You may even be panicking. Take a deep breath and ask yourself if some of that panic might be excitement?
Instead of looking out in the future, bring yourself back to the present moment. Your life is made up of daily choices—each one either moves you closer to or further from what you truly want. What small action could you take today? If your action is too big or too far out, it will become overwhelming. You don’t have to know the whole plan, just focus on what you can do today or tomorrow.
When you complete that action, celebrate! Even small victories trigger a dopamine rush, the brain’s way of rewarding you with a jolt of happiness. This positive feedback loop keeps you motivated and moving forward.
Keep going
Success doesn’t come from avoiding failure; it comes from persisting despite it.
Imagine if your child didn’t succeed at something they tried. Would you tell them to give up? Of course not! You know your kids are smart and capable! And so are you! You’d encourage them to adjust their approach and try again. Be that same loving, supportive parent to yourself.
Angela Duckworth, in her famous book Grit, defines perseverance as sticking with your goals day after day, year after year. Failure isn’t the end; it’s simply feedback. It tells you what to do differently next time. Each setback teaches you how to adapt and move closer to your dreams.
When my daughter didn’t get the writing internship she was hoping for, it would never even have occurred to us to give up on her dreams of writing! She did a writing camp and is trying again this year.
Believing in yourself gives you the courage and resiliency to keep going through setbacks. Your dream is so meaningful that you continue to work towards it despite challenges. Nothing can derail you.
So, what do you long for deep inside? You may have failed before, but as your loving parent and biggest fan, this is not the end of the road. It was just feedback, guiding you to try differently next time. Your dreams are waiting for you, and it’s time to stop settling for less than you deserve. Imagine waking up with energy and excitement as you accomplish your dream! It’s possible! What’s one step you can take today?
If your dreams include feeling satisfied and no longer thinking about food (leaving you bandwidth for bigger things!), sign up for my Vibrant Juicy Life 12-Week Transformation. We start next week (January 20th) and I won’t enroll again soon, so sign up now!
References
- Sambit Ghosh, “Happy Hormones at Work: Applying the Learnings from Neuroscience to Improve and Sustain Workplace Happiness,” NHRD Network Journal 11, no. 4 (October 2018): 83-92, https://doi.org/10.1177/2631454118806139.
- Angela Duckworth, Grit: The power of passion and perseverance (New York: Scribner, 2016).
- Robin Post, “Self-Sabotage Among Successful Women,” Psychotherapy in Private Practice 6, no. 3 (1988): 191-205, https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J294v06n03_29.
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