This past month has been a hard time for me. After 4 long years, I finally finalized my divorce and all the emotional and financial worries that entails. I am also going through a restructuring at work, as well as the usual struggles of parenting teens and dating. I have found that I don’t have the energy for my usual fiery excitement and project juggling. I gave myself a goal and was attempting to force myself through it. A friend pointed out that it might instead be time to rest.
I have struggled with the concept of rest for most of my life. Role models for women do not generally include a lot of rest, and women are rewarded for taking advantage of their ability to multi-task and work hard. We are told we can “have it all” and desperately try to balance career and family and relationships, while maintaining picture-perfect homes.
I took this message in and wrapped my self-worth up in working hard. I tried to prove my worth to romantic partners and work colleagues. My worth was so tied into working hard that I found down-time more stressful. If I wasn’t busy, I worried I was wasting my life.
This inability to stop and rest left me with chronic stress and anxiety, and the resulting hormonal cascade that shuts off metabolism to deal with the crisis.
Juggling my busy life also kept me from examining why I had so much trouble sitting with myself. Going through divorce made me come face-to-face with those issues. My new work-from-home single lifestyle left me with a LOT of alone time. I know some of you will be envious and annoyed that I would complain about this, and I agree… Back when my life was jam-packed I looked forward to alone time HARD. But when most of your life becomes “kid-free” and you no longer have an office to go to, all that alone time can become a little much.
At first, I over-scheduled my weekends in an attempt to keep from having downtime. I obsessively filled my time with exercise, classes, friends, and anything else I could find. Then I tried the opposite, and my wide-open weekends were spent drift-less and teary with angst.
Eventually, with all that time for reflection, I finally had to look within and face my uncomfortable feelings. I sat quietly. I asked “little Juniper” what she needed. She wanted rest. She asked for nourishing food, and walks, and no-pressure gatherings with friends. She craved running through the neighborhood, quietly sipping coffee, reading in the hammock, and journaling. Only after I put down this heavy burdensome torch do I realize that I am still valuable even if I do not work as hard. In fact, my new-found peace makes me even more loveable. I am calmer and less anxious, and better able to handle day-to-day crises. My new calm even radiates to others.
What does it mean to rest?
A lot of us relax at the end of the day watching TV or phone-scrolling. We have had a long day of action and need some down-time. However, these activities still require you to process incoming information and therefore your mind is still active. Rest is also different from sleep. I am not saying you don’t need sleep, which is ALSO critically important, but what I am referring to here is mental rest. Mental rest allows your brain to take a break from its normal grind of racing thoughts and to-do lists, reducing the arousal that comes from stress and body tension. It is this resting state that rejuvenates your mind and body.
Your brain has two main modes of processing:
- Action-oriented: this state lets you concentrate on tasks, solve problems, and process incoming data — including work, watching TV, and scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. Not only does mindless phone activity not count as rest/relaxation, but research also suggests cell phone exposure increases brain glucose metabolism, a marker of neuronal activity
- Default mode network: this is the exploratory, unfocussed state that takes place during tasks that do not require attention to specifics about the external environment, such as when your mind takes a break or enjoys a memory
The unfocused state of default mode gives your mind a chance to reflect and sort things out, work out problems, and plan/think about the future. Research suggests this state is critical for forming memories. It is also the state for those ah-hah moments of creativity and making meaning of what’s going on in your life. One study found that study participants had a 40% increase in creative ideas during this unfocused state compared to either working or sitting quietly resting states.
Data suggests that engaging in simple external tasks that allow the mind to wander releases stress and facilitates creative problem solving. Activities that are recharging yet restful, allowing you to step outside yourself, help access this state of unfocused relaxation. Some of the best ways to access this state are:
Connect to Nature: Go for a walk, sit beneath a tree and listen, take off your shoes and feel the clover between your toes, or just lie down in the grass and watch the insects. Nature is calming and restorative whether the connection has to do with grounding electrical energy, ions in the air, or something else. Research has shown that being in nature boosts mood, executive attention, and creativity. One study showed that 90-minutes of walking in nature decreased worry and neural activity in an area of the brain associated with depression and negative thinking. Another study found that 45 minutes of walking in the forest resulted in participants feeling better and more creative than those walking in an urban environment. While longer is better, another study showed that sitting for just 15 minutes in either a park or forest helped people feel psychologically restored.
Exercise: Some of my best ideas come to me when I am running. When my body is busy, my mind has a chance to wander. Yoga is another activity I have found helpful. While some people think the benefit of yoga is pushing the limits of your body’s flexibility, the goal is actually doing something so challenging your brain is forced to stop churning and focus on the movement. While exercise is known to boost cognitive function and mood by increasing blood flow and endorphin release, exercise has also been shown to boost creativity. One study showed that people consistently tested better on creative thinking as they were walking (either outdoors or on a treadmill) compared to when they were sedentary. These benefits lasted even after the exercise; people who walked scored better on subsequent exams compared to those who didn’t. While noting study quality differences, a meta-analysis of 13 studies found that 92% indicated a beneficial relationship between exercise and creativity.
Meditation: Meditation has been shown to boost mood, reduce stress and improve attention. It has also been shown to boost creativity. One study showed that 30 minutes of meditation for 7 days improved creativity and emotional regulation. This effect was shown in both seasoned meditation practitioners and subjects new to meditation practice. Regular meditation is the practice of training and strengthening your attention, similar to building muscle through weight training. Research suggests that even just 10 minutes a day has a beneficial effect. When I first started meditation, I thought I couldn’t do it because my thoughts kept wandering. However, the goal of meditation is not the absence of racing thoughts, but instead the ability to re-center these thoughts. So when your mind starts wandering , you aren’t doing it wrong. Instead, think how lucky you are to have a good opportunity to practice!
If you would like to try meditation, find a quiet space you can sit undisturbed. Sit comfortably and gently close your eyes. From there, you can focus on the breath, a mantra, body sensations, or listen to a guide. If you have trouble sitting quietly, you can even find a slow non-thinking movement and similarly focus. The trick is that whenever your attention wanders away, bring it back. This is the practice of stilling and strengthening your mind.
When I was first starting out, I thought I hated meditation. As I learned more I discovered that they are so many ways to do it, there is bound to be one that works for you. It turns out I prefer focusing on body sensations rather than breath. Here are some options you can try:
- Concentrate on the sensation of breathing. You may wish to count as you breath in and out to help you stay centered. When your mind wanders bring it back to the breath
- Focus on body sensations, for example the sensations in places your body touches the chair or floor or your belly expanding as you breath
- Repeat a meta-mantra such as “May we all be safe, happy, healthy, and at peace”
- Focus on a complex concept for which there is no solution: “What is a thought?”; see what comes up as you allow your mind to repeat and focus on this thought
- Moving mindfulness: This can be done walking, doing the dishes, or other slow-moving activities. You will start by taking a few deep breaths and bringing your full attention to the body. Feel the ground beneath your feet, the warm soapy water, or whatever other bodily sensations are present. While you move, direct your attention to the slow and mindful motion of your body.
- Guided mediation using an app such as ‘The Mindfulness App’, ‘Simply Being’, or ‘Headspace’
Now its time to put down your phone and give your mind a rest!
References
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- Volkow ND, et al. Effects of Cell Phone Radiofrequency Signal Exposure on Brain Glucose Metabolism. February 2011. JAMA; 305(8):808–813.
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- Rasch B, Born J. About Sleep’s Role in Memory. Physiol Rev. 2013 Apr; 93(2): 681–766.
- Atchley RA, Strayer DL, Atchley P. Creativity in the wild: Improving creative reasoning through immersion in natural settings. PloS one, 2021; 7(12), e51474.
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